Living in my Brother's Shadow

I realized about a year ago that my issue with relationships could be explained in one sentence: my brother married the first girl he ever dated.

My brother and his wife started dating when they were freshmen in high school.  It started out like a normal high school relationship, but pretty soon they were going to the same college.  I have heard that a lot of high school relationships end when college starts, but they stayed together.  Their relationship hit a little turbulence when she got very sick and had to take a year off of school, but once she went back, everything went back to normal.  They survived two years while living in different states, and got married this past May after being together for almost ten years.

I was growing up in his footsteps, and he found his soul mate in only one try.  Needless to say, that is not the case with me.  I’ve lost count of the number of guys I’ve kissed.  If I tried, I could count my boyfriends to date, but that would be embarrassing.  I can’t seem to stay in a relationship, and yet I can’t seem to stay single.

 Watching your brother marry his high school sweetheart at the age of 24 is discouraging when you know that you won’t be in his shoes in three years.  Also, his luck of finding love so early has made me panic when relationships don’t work, thinking that I am running out of time.

I have constantly been a battle of emotions and logic.  It’s like every fiber of my being has been forced to pick sides in this tremendously immature elementary school brawl.  Normally logic and emotions should work together.  Nope, mine like to battle with cardboard and duct tape swords.

I know I should not compare myself to my brother.  I know I am still young, and it’s completely fine that I am still single with no immediate plans to settle down.  And yet, I still feel like something is wrong with me.

Damn you, emotions!  Can’t you just let logic win this game of bloody knuckles?

-Alice Ambrosia